That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
