We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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