I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
