i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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