just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
