I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
