Where is the hickey?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
