if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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