I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
