Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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