I think my fart just growled at me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
