you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
