bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just cropdusted the office
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i am craving dick and cupcakes
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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