i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
