Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
