I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
