It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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