your thong is hanging out like whoa
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Found your dick twin last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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