Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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