yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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