nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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