at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
