I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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