I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We left the knife in your bed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
