Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
