if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
