Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
how drunk are you?
Several
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
