Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
