dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
