Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
