I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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