so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
