Her vagina should come with caution tape.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
