I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
