Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
