so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
