My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
honey bunches of taint.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
