he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
