Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
