this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
