i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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