At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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