Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
