so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
