Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
