I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
