I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
