You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
