After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This baby is an asshole
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
