just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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